Character Building rules and guidelines

	This is a resource for anyone looking to affirm or inspire their own life choices. It includes anything helping one to create, develop and maintain one's own character.
Some Life Rules: First of all, you decide whatever rules you want to incorporate into your own personal repertoire of behavior. Although it's wise to discover the rules which help others live their lives, each of us is entirely unique. What helps one person may not help another. Some helpful rules are:

Abuse is a way of life! [1/19/2009] Some abuse can be accidental or ill-considered but much of it is practiced by people who are abusive in almost every aspect of their lives. Avoid abusive people and don't practice it yourself and your life will be a lot more rewarding and pleasant.

Everything happens by ACCIDENT! (3/14/2010) Though exaggerated, this simple phrase should help one realize that the ability to recognize a creative happenstance is more important that the act itself. Accidents and creativity are happening all the time. Taking a break to refresh ones mental capabilities, especially when in a creative environment like a research and development section, will improve ones ability to attend to creativity when it happens.

Actions speak louder than words. (facta non verba) [Stone Age] The actions a person takes indicate the type of person he or she is - not mere words -- and especially not the words of others spoken about them. Language is just a tool used to adapt to everyday realities. It's not an end in and of itself. Just because someone says something is so doesn't make it so. Check important things out for yourself.

Altruism defeats boredom. [1/15/2009] Living a life of unselfish activity on behalf of others, without regard to recognition or reward, will ensure that one never runs out of things to do. Not requiring or expecting reciprocity also minimizes disappointment or anguish while maintaining a sense of accomplishment even after the most insignificant of tasks - like picking up someone else's litter off the street.

Birds of a feather flock together - the character of the people with whom you associate will help determine your own character, especially in the minds of those who judge books by their covers. [ That is least among the reasons why you should stop associating with people who put you in compromising situations through abusive, illegal, immoral or unethical activity - As Soon As Possible. These scumbags (there is no more fitting term for them) don't have the decency to consider the consequences of their actions on the people with whom they associate and expect their ?friends? to become scumbags like themselves. Those who bring a 'playmate' around when their spouse is not around are one esample - friends who don't immediately inform the unaware spouse are not worthy of real friendship. ]

Control your anger. We are most angry when angry at ourselves, but we often do not realize that until someone else is hurt. Know and control your anger. Do not take it out on others. Especially do not make significant decisions while angry.
This is all easier said than done but can become reality with the help of significant other(s) - others who recognize and understand the anger control process. A single person, with an abundance of self-control/discipline, can manage this alone but it's not easy. (In technical, psychological terms, this is called Behavior Modification.)

Don't fix what ain't broke! This doesn't mean one shouldn't have back-ups or redundant resources for important assets. Nor does it mean one shouldn't perform routine maintenance functions. Keep in mind that some fixes can make matters worse.

Don't judge a book by its cover. One doesn't encourage forthrightness in others by criticizing what they say or the manner in which it's said. We can argue over our opinions, but we shouldn't argue about anyone's right to state them. On the other hand, those who won't take criticism don't make very good friends. The secret is to find people with whom one can argue and disagree without becoming enemies - a constant struggle many people don't even bother attempting -- thereby making their lives less fulfilling. One guidepost for determining one's level of maturity is the amount of time it takes to recover from an argument. The sooner people can resume normal relations with each other after some estrangement, the higher their level of maturity.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Minimize the amount of money spent on something that's unfamiliar or new. Only after becoming comfortable with the new technology, insurance, investment, life style, etc., should you commit a lot of your financial or other resources. In addition, don't trust those who denigrate this strategy - especially anyone benefiting from the decision they may be attempting to influence you into making.

Education is a lifelong process! Pay attention to your surroundings and peers - even something that's been repeated a hundred times can expose one to knowledge heretofore unlearned. Don't ever get caught thinking you know everything about anything.

FREE stuff is worth every penny you pay for it! Don't expect warranties, guarantees or support for anything you get without having to pay for it. Don't complain when it no longer works. Be prepared to purchase alternatives or, better yet, have them on hand before the FREE stuff wears out or stops functioning. (This doesn't include found and subsequently recycled stuff, some of which can be quite valuable considering 'they don't make things like they used to', anymore.)

Honesty is the best policy. Live a life where telling the truth is not embarrassing. Don't be afraid to hurt someone's feelings by telling them something about which they may otherwise be unaware. Friends worth having will be upset but will appreciate your forthrightness in the long run. After all, they may have a medical problem in need of immediate attention.

If it sounds too good to be true, it isn't true. This especially applies to most of the junk communications we receive these days. There are incredible opportunities out there, but they are not touted via mass communications. Use your brain! Secrecy is usually the rule until the benefits of the project are realized. Most investments take a decade or more to come to fruition. (Do you really think some people want to share their espoused ability to grab a larger share of the financial pie with strangers - at the expense of those getting smaller shares, including almost as a certitude, you?! In other words, they're making more money for themselves by taking some of yours - not by sharing what they get from others with you.)

It takes 18 years to raise a child. When you decide to have children, be prepared to take the time to make sure they reach adulthood with the skills necessary to help make the world a better place to live. The one-on-one time you need to spend with a child decreases as they grow and your parenting efforts become self-evident. Be prepared to sacrifice your own personal time and needs to those of your child - especially during those times when the child is ready to move up to a higher plateau of physical or mental development. It's a lot easier to teach a child when "they're ready" to learn. Instill self-discipline or self-control in your child early on - it'll make everything that comes later a whole lot easier. Let your child(ren) force you to become a (better) parent.

Keep it simple stupid! Stand back, think outside the box and don't make things so complex that you are the only one who understands them.

Kids who get hugs don't do drugs! Remember, no matter how often a child gets on your nerves and destroys your peace of mind, they are not fully developed. They need to be reminded that someone loves and cares about them. They especially need to know that the person who most often yells or seems always to be angry with them REALLY LOVES THEM. Click here for more on hugging.

Laughter IS THE BEST MEDICINE! This is especially true for infants and toddlers. The brain functions involved with laughter appear to create, enhance and sustain those other functions of our nervous system which make us more efficient and healthy.

In an emergency, lead, follow or get out of the way - know your strengths and weaknesses. Leaders have the ability, courage and stamina to use unpopular methods to attain popular results. Most of the time, they aren't going to be very popular. And, when role modeling is their primary method of leadership, they may not even be recognized as leaders. But, in an emergency, leaders will evidence strength and control and will inspire followership in those who aren't prone to panic.

Learn to stop before you start. This especially applies to boats, planes, trains and automobiles and can be applied to most other machines. It can also be applied to other endeavors of life not involving machines. For long term projects, such as higher education, learn the consequences of quitting (and the requirements for re-entry) before beginning. In some cases, talking with others who've gone through the process of starting and stopping may be the only way to know what you're getting into and how best to be prepared for it.

Leave things in better shape than when you found them. [6/27/2001] This especially includes the world. (Practice this and people will look forward to seeing you, again.)

Life is tough. The greatest joys usually evolve from the greatest efforts. Jumping onto Mt. Everest from a helicopter isn't the same as climbing there.

Live My Life. Live your own life - don't let others force you to live their lives. Don't let ill-considered criticism affect you; but do search out those who will tell you the truth - especially when it hurts.

Love takes a heart and a mind. Love is not merely expressed through material things. Oftentimes, it's expressed by actions not witnessed by anyone. When a parent lets a child play on the monkey bars, knowing that a fall and some pain is inevitable - in order to let that child learn and progress in life - BUT watches from a distance or even from behind the curtain inside the house just in case help is really needed, THEN that is love. It is not love to tell children they cannot play on the monkey bars for fear of getting hurt.
Oftentimes, love benefits the recipient more immediately than the giver. Parental love is sometimes unrequited until the children become adults and parents themselves. That takes very strong, loving and patient parents. (In our modern age, many parents don't 'make' the time to notice what's happening - they just eventually realize that their relationship with the distant child(ren) gets better over time.)

Money is not all there is to life. [July 1961] When the money becomes more important than the job it's time to change your life or your job. Don't get stuck living the only life you have in a rut of misery because you've not planned for alternatives. Don't abuse your money in such a way that others can say to your face or behind your back that:

"Some people have more money than active brain cells!"

In other words, don't get so caught up in making money that you forget how to invest and spend it wisely. Make investments the first priority - especially investments in a home and other high quality assets you can enjoy while you use them all your life and/or while they appreciate in value. (The best things to acquire are those which you can use all your life and leave to your heirs.)

My word is my bond! Keep your commitments. This especially means that those to whom you've made commitments deserve prompt notification when you change your mind - just don't change your mind too often, or you'll lose any respect others have for you.

If you don't spend it, you don't need to make it! This implies that some people make their lives miserable chasing income merely in order to pay for stuff they really don't need. Too many people avoid paying more for higher quality assets or forgo recycling of older, higher quality assets in favor of wasting money buying newer, much lower quality items that need replacing more often.

No 2nd chance to make a first impression - develop your character to the point where being honest always makes a good first impression.

No excuses!! "(I'm sorry), it won't happen again" works a lot better than, "Well, it was ..." Don't make excuses. Accept responsibility and move on.
Every positive has a countervailing negative. This is in line with the Chinese Yin-Yang philosophy. Don't expect perfection without having to accept imperfection.

Picture courtesy of
Take it as a given that everything worth doing has negatives associated with it. You decide whether the positives outweigh the negatives.

There's nothing new under the sun! Don't get caught thinking that your experience, idea, invention, process or thought is a FIRST! You may be the first to use it for some advantageous enterprise, but you're very likely not the first to have ever encountered it. [ A critical aspect of creativity is recognizing it. ]

Recycle!! Live your life with the knowledge that the resources of the world are insufficient to allow everyone to enjoy the life style of the top 10%, which includes all of America! This especially includes potable water. (The world is already looking to consume the fresh water in the Great Lakes.)
As more and more of the so-called underdeveloped countries raise their standard of living, there will be fewer resources available to us all. Those who learn not to waste will have an advantage over those who don't. Planned obsolescence is going to become a very dirty term in the near future.

Be a ROLE MODEL! Anyone witnessing your actions can choose to adopt them into their own repertoire of behaviors. This is especially true and impactful for children. Consider what you do in front of others - make sure your actions are those which you want others to emulate.
Some of the most long term and permanent behaviors are the result of role modeling evidenced by significant others on a daily basis. It's also one of the least recognized methods of fomenting change within a group - merely because the changes happen without anyone in the group realizing why, and since the change hasn't been personified to the individual fomenting it, it doesn't change when consideration for that person is changed - or that person departs the scene.

Starting is the hardest part of any endeavour. Mao Dze Dung liked to remind others about attacking life's difficulties with the old Chinese saying that a A 1,000 mile journey begins with a single step. It is useful to develop the self-discipline and skills needed to begin any activity. One secret is to begin with small, oftentimes tedious tasks that one can do blind-folded (or without thinking about them) while the brain works, consciously or subconsciously, on the steps needing to be identified and prioritized to continue onward. Writing everything down, speaking it all into a recording device, brain storming with others are some other techniques. The key is to bring as many aspects of the activity into the conscious brain/memory so that the unconscious brain/memory can work on them to aid the prioritization process.

Stress is a necessary aspect of life. Jogging, weight lifting and other techniques keep the body fit. Social conflict, contradictory choices and disagreeable situations keep the psyche in tune. On the other hand, a repeated, lengthy period of constant stress can be the most harmful condition our bodies can be forced to withstand. Accommodate the former, minimize the latter.

Take a break - both our bodies and brains need rest. Sometimes, especially when involved with intensive mental activity of a creative nature, taking a two hour lunch break with a short nap can revitalize one the same as does a complete night's sleep. For some people, a quick "nap", sometimes as short as 15 minutes, can completely refresh one's mental faculties.

Think outside the box - especially when attempting anything new, unusual or difficult. Remember, us humans is always smarter than these dumb damn machines and other inanimate objects.

Three strikes and you're out is a good rule to use for almost anything in life - especially when deciding whether or not to shell out significant sums of money for anything. The 3rd instance of discomfort or condition making one feel hinky while making a decision is a good time to back-out without hesitation.

'For Real' TRUTHS are always self-evident. [5/20/2008] In other words, it doesn't take a lot of argument or explanation to describe truths that speak for themselves - truths falling under the umbrella of 'common sense' - truths that almost anyone can figure out for themselves.

Us humans is always smarter than these dumb damn machines. A screw driver wasn't designed to loosen the lid of a paint can. Remembering all safety precautions, take the time to use your own imagination and the resources at hand when confronted with problems without obvious solutions. When helping to raise children, never give them a quick answer when one can be coaxed out of their own brains with the aid of a little extra time and well phrased hints. That'll help them develop the mental skills necessary to find their own answers in the future. Think outside the box!

Work trumps depression. Given less severe circumstances, this could also fall under Idle hands are the devil's workshop. Keeping busy at a project that takes several hours, days or weeks and provides one with a significant sense of accomplishment can keep one's mind off what's causing the depression long enough to minimize it. Choose a difficult but not impossible project. (Don't waste more than a day feeling sorry for yourself and remember there are ways to facilitate starting any new activity. See also altruism defeats boredom, above.)

Anything worth doing is worth doing well. When accepting the 'test' of having to make the coffee, sweep the floor or clean-up after the elephants, do it better than anyone else has ever done it. Let the behavior of your parents be a guide.

What don't kill me just makes me stronger! Keep this in mind when traveling through life. It'll sustain you when circumstances might try to immobilize you. It'll force you to look for the positive in every negative. It'll allow you to NOT WASTE precious time feeling sorry for yourself when adversity prevails.

Be happy. Be self-disciplined. Be proud. Be you.